Speech Therapy
by Rashomon Aetelier
Summary: A cure for my ultimate annoyance - Fou-Lu's old English vocabulary. Gladly, the rest of the BOF cast help out. (OOC Warning on Fou's part)
1. The Decision

Speech Therapy  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Part One: The Decision  
  
I slumped my head down on the table. "Cicero, I didst not ken what thou  
didst mention to me earlier." he complained. I buried my head in my arms,   
holding back all fury and resisting the temptation to throw the Emperor out  
of my office, perhaps via an open window.  
"Cicero, thou didst not explain truly thine meaning."  
"SHADDAP ALREADY!!" I cried finally.  
Getting up out of my chair and towering over him in full height, I   
decided to take matters into my own hands. "That does it fFou! I'm taking  
you to see a speech therapist!" I cried, picking him up by the back of his  
armour and dragging him out the door.  
  
"Ne, where are you taking him?"  
My friend, Rikage prodded the Emperor as he tailed us from my office.  
"I'm gonna go fix his problem." I replied. "What problem?" Rik wondered,  
still poking. "Couldst thou be so kind as to resist thine prodding and   
request of Cicero to lower her grip on mine collar?" Fou-Lu said.   
"That problem." I replied.  
"Oh, okay. So who should we go to for help?" Rik asked.  
"I dunno...summon with good gramar?" I replied.  
"I know! Let's get someone else from BOF to help!" he said.  
I nodded. That wouldn't be such a bad idea...  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
*And there's the introduction! So who do we get to help correct Fou-Lu's  
speech problem?   
  
First off: Cray and Rei  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Fou, I don't own anyone from BOF but I do own Cicero  
and Rikage 


	2. Part One Rei and Cray

Speech Therapy  
  
Part 2: Cray and Rei  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Well don't this just beat all..."  
  
I looked up from the stooped position I had put myself in. "Oh, hi  
  
Rei." I said, still tugging on the First Emperor's armour. "Cicero, what  
  
are you doing to Fou-Lu?" Cray asked, joining us. "Oh, we're looking for  
  
someone who can help us fix his speech problem." Rikage explained.  
  
"He has a speech problem?" Rei wondered.  
  
"You haven't heard him talk, have you?" Cray laughed.  
  
Happily, Cray slapped me on the back. "Rei can help!" he said. I looked  
  
at Rikage. "Worth a try, C..." he muttered. "Okay. Good luck to the two of  
  
you!" I said, shoving Fou-Lu into rei. "We'll do what we can..." Rei said,   
  
a bit reluctantly.   
  
Making sure they did something, I followed closely behind as the two  
  
"cats" brought Fou-Lu with them as they walked around my studio. "So  
  
what's the problem with this guy anyway?" Rei asked. "  
  
"What dost be thine designs for me?" Fou-Lu asked Rei suspiciously.  
  
"A-hah..." Rei said, blinking.  
  
Immediately, he spun around and saw me walking behind them. "This is a  
  
suicide mission, Cicero kahran!!" he cried angrily. I grinned innocently.  
  
"Oh how I love the smell of torture in the morning." I said, humming the  
  
tune to Mission Impossible.  
  
The three sat on rocks facing the lake as I was nearby, under a tree  
  
with hot tea to calm anyone who threatened to go terminal from frustration.   
  
"OKay, so how do we do this?" Rei asked, looking at me. "Beats me" I   
  
replied. "I guess I should start by..uh.. geez...where do we begin?" Rei   
  
stammered."We could start with trying to get rid of the pronouns." Cray  
  
said. "Just a suggestion."  
  
"Okay...hey C, what's the equivalent of thou in normal english?" Rei asked.  
  
I blinked and thought for a moment. "Erm...Thou is you." I replied. "Kay!  
  
Thanks..." he said and turned back to face Fou.  
  
"Uh, think you could manage to get rid of that, then?" Rei asked.  
  
"Thou art fighting a losing cause..." Fou-Lu sighed.   
  
"This is harder than it looks." Rei said.  
  
"That's what I've been trying to tell you..." I replied, laughing.  
  
"Don't this just beat all..." Rei grumbled.  
  
About two hours and six cups of tea later, Rei slumped down under my   
  
tree. "I give up, Cicero... this is going to kill me..." Rei said. "Guess  
  
you weren't up to it..." Cray said, coming up to us. "Cicero, couldst thou  
  
now discard thine designs on correcting mine diction?" Fou-Lu said,   
  
crouching down before me.  
  
I shook my head. There just had to be a way to do this. I wasn't just  
  
about to give up. I think I had an idea on where to go this time around.  
  
A woren and a weretiger didn't seem like the right choice.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Up and coming:  
  
It just gets better and better...  
  
Part 3: Ershin and Mami  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Fou, I don't own anyone from BOF but I do own Cicero  
  
and Rikage 


	3. Part Two Ershin and Mami

*Hmm...I took BlackWings' suggestion and went scrounging around for some  
  
other fics on my poor belaguered First Emperor (I found alot of FouXMami fics  
  
and got sick in my stomach....not to mention played through all his   
  
scenarios which I saved on one memory card...and came up with something I   
  
hope will dispel of any dissatisfactions...great, now he's got me doing it...*  
  
Onto part 3!!  
  
Speech Therapy  
  
Part 3: Ershin and Mami  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Lost cause...this was a lost cause...  
  
I stalked around my studio, looking out for other members of the BOF  
  
cast who I could ask help from. I was desperate. Anyone would do.  
  
"Funny seein' ye both here, this afternoon."  
  
But I wasn't THAT desperate....  
  
"Hi Mami..." I said glumly. "Ye be lookin' a bit under the weather there,   
  
Cicero...what's goin on?" the peasant girl asked. "Just...trying out  
  
a little something..." I said. "They dost have designs to correct mine verbal  
  
manner." Fou-Lu finished for me. "Well, ye are quite a handful to listen  
  
to sometimes..." Mami replied.  
  
"I dost be that...cumbersome?" Fou asked.  
  
I high-fived my forehead in response.  
  
"I'll be a-willin' to help ye out there, Cicero..." Mami offered.  
  
I shook my head no. This wasn't gonna work out.  
  
"'Hi there! I couldn't help but overhear the problem' Deis says." came a   
  
familiar voice. "Oh, hiya Ershin, Deis." I greeted. "'So you want to try  
  
and correct the First Emperor's diction?' Deis asks. I think Ershin and  
  
Deis can help." the little robot said. In frustration, I threw up my hands  
  
and sighed loudly.  
  
"Alright! The three of you can help!" I finally cried out and stalked off   
  
to get more tea - for myself, it seemed like.  
  
This really wasn't what I had in mind.  
  
"A farmer and a robot who refers to itself in the first person..."  
  
I looked up to see Rikage leaning back on the tree I sat under. "You  
  
must really be getting desperate..." he chuckled. "Oh, shut up..." I said  
  
angrily, pouring more tea for myself as I went back to watch the ensuing  
  
English lesson.  
  
"'It's been centuries, your highness. Don't you think you should move   
  
with the times?' Ershin asks." the robot dictated for the goddess that lived  
  
in it. "I dost not see the intention behind Cicero's designs as to the full  
  
correction of mine diction..." Fou-Lu said. "Ye be quite confusing at times,  
  
I admit, Fou-Lu." Mami said, trying to supress a chuckle.  
  
I heaved a sigh. This may take a while.  
  
"'You really want to do this?' Ershin asks Cicero." the little robot called.  
  
"Good luck." I said.   
  
*Ok, I'm gonna change format. I'm gonna enclose Deis' words in [and] while  
  
Ershin stays with the usual speech format. Back to the story. Someone's  
  
getting laaaazyyyy~!*  
  
[Okay.] Deis began. I could hear a sigh in her voice.  
  
[Let's see...]  
  
"Why don't you start with the -st's?" I suggested.  
  
"Ye be quite impatient with this..." Mami noticed.  
  
"Only because I've been annoyed by it ever since I met him." I replied.  
  
Ershin plopped down in front of Fou. [Okay! Well, your highness, may  
  
we begin..?"] Deis asked. I was ready with tea and seaweed crackers.  
  
"If thou dost have patience to do so..." Fou sighed.  
  
I could tell, he was getting tired of this...  
  
[And we will. First off...} Deis started.  
  
Ershin stood up and cleared her throat. [Highness, you should think about  
  
this. We who have been newly summoned have learned how to adapt with the  
  
more recent way of talking.] she said, pacing the floor. It was quite  
  
funny to see a squat little robot pacing but as I imagined Deis' sleek  
  
form doing the lecture, things didn't seem as funny.  
  
  
  
Fou looked at Ershin questionably. "Yet if we dost be the Endless that  
  
these mortals hath summoned to his world, canst it not be said that  
  
they doth be the ones who wilst undego such an adaptation?" he asked. I   
  
shuddered.  
  
A world like that would be torture to me...  
  
[Uh, well, not necessarily.] Deis began. [From these mortals, to make  
  
contact with them, you had better be easier to speak with.] Fou cocked   
  
his head. "I didst make a complete connection with Cicero and Mami upon our  
  
first meeting, did I not?" he asked us.   
  
"Ye did but..." Mami began.  
  
"It was kinda cute at first but..." I agreed.  
  
"It got hard to understand!!" we both said.  
  
The first time I ever openly agreed on anything Mami said.  
  
[And that's what I've been talking about.] Deis said triumphantly.  
  
Ershin turned to face Fou directly. [We could do with Cicero's little  
  
suggestion...starting with that could, would and should.] she said. Try to  
  
get rid of the -st at the end. It's not couldst but could.] she dictated.  
  
I blinked. This had become quite the scene.  
  
Mami and Fou were looking on at Ershin who paced back and forth in front  
  
of them as Fou seemed to be taking notes on a mini-steno notebook.  
  
They nodded occasionally as Ershin/Deis continued with the lecture and  
  
by golly, two actually seemed to be learning something. I leaned in to hear  
  
just what Deis was lecturing about.  
  
[And for the second thing, please bear in mind that pumps are not worn with  
  
a backpack. It just does't do justice!] I heard Deis say. "DEIS!!!" I yelled  
  
angrily.  
  
"C..Cicero? What's wrong?" Ershin asked.  
  
"This was supposed to be an english lesson! Not a fashion lecture!"  
  
[Well, I couldn't help it. It just seemed to be fitting.] Deis said cooly.  
  
I rolled my eyes and grabbed Fou.  
  
"So what happened?" Rikage asked. "Deis ended up giving a fashion  
  
lecture to Mami and Fou." I sighed and noticed the funny way Fou was looking  
  
at me. "Wha-at?!" I demanded.  
  
He just watched me again. "I dost wish to stated that thou wouldst   
  
perhaps do with a better hairstyle..." Fou commented.  
  
"We need a real teacher." I groaned.  
  
"And I know just the one." Rikage said.  
  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Well? How am I doing? Good enough to be an english teacher yet? No? Oh well.  
  
*Blinks* I dunno if I got Mami's accent right... (most likely not...) but  
  
anyway, lessee who else I can drive insane....aside from me.  
  
Cicero: *shudders and glowers at Mami* I don't know why I even let you in!  
  
mami: Ye were the one who needed me...  
  
Cicero: I did not... ohhhh~!!   
  
((MamiXFou fanfics...tastes like plastic in my mouth...))  
  
Part four:  
  
Momo and...duct tape?!!  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own Fou or any member of BOF. I own Rikage and Cicero. 


End file.
